Just Jen

Over breakfast with some girlfriends about a month ago, we had an in-depth conversation about that point in life known as a fresh start or a new beginning. You know that moment where your world has seemingly come crashing down and you have nothing else to lose? Perhaps it’s because of a divorce, health issue, relationship betrayal, job loss, natural disaster, substance addiction, death of a loved one, or just a major life altering event that is beyond your control.

You know the drill, you pick yourself up, start over, and go on with your life….or you don’t. If you do, then you wipe the slate clean and start again. You’re a better and stronger person for it, even though it can be difficult to foresee. The irony about clean slates is that we don’t often realize exactly what they are. We feel overwhelmed, stressed, and often physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from the changes taking place. For a monumental moment or breaking point to occur, you cannot always see what is yet to come but you’re confident in the fact that you’ve had enough.

Clean slates are a liberating moment when you hit rock bottom and begin to build back up. Sometimes to be your best, you must start at your worst. It requires learning, evolving, and growing from nothing into something, often better and stronger than ever before.

Each person’s clean slate moment is unique, which was obvious as each of us at that table shared our stories. Sometimes it’s about relocating, losing a home, getting divorced, or making a career change. Clean slates are as unique as the people who choose to embrace the opportunity to start anew.

I think that too often we do not share our own clean slate stories because we are too embarrassed by the challenges we face in our own lives. Upon leaving my own unhealthy relationship, I was ashamed to tell people that we were no longer together because I had built this bubble of protection around him, thinking that if I was honest with others about the truths of our relationship, that they would develop these judgements about him that couldn’t be taken back so instead I internalized everything and kept it all to myself. I allowed the manipulation which started as a large network of friends and family and shrank to a handful of people besides myself that he believed he could control. When I finally realized that he put the “ic” in toxic, I got out.

That was a long time ago and I am a better person for that experience. I have found that the friends I really treasure are those who have overcome obstacles and made the best of a challenging situation by redefining their lives with a clean slate. Don’t allow your situation to define you, see it as an opportunity for a new beginning to achieve your personal and professional goals. To start again in any capacity is not easy, it takes immense courage and honesty, but it does become easier when shared and experienced with family, friends, and trusted colleagues.

Just remember that whenever things feel the bleakest, all situations are temporary. It’s not your circumstance that determines your worth, it’s how you rise from the ashes after everything burns. ~Viktor Frankl